1 Peter 3:1-6
THE ODDS ARE STACKED AGAINST YOUR FAMILY
You want a strong marriage. Raise kids that love Jesus. You want to make a home that everyone wants to return to and minimal fights.
But the world that we live in right now pulls us in the opposite direction. Failure is far more likely than winning.
Our culture challenges virtually everything in our culture. From the basic family unit to biblical convictions. It celebrates selfish pursuits, even at the expense of destroying families.
We live in a world where the odds are stacked against you.
If you want to see your families thrive you not only need to have good intentions but to be prepared to fight for your family.
That is the entire point of this series: Fight for your Family.
FIGHT FOR YOUR FAMILY, NOT AGAINST YOUR FAMILY
Before we can answer that question we need to clarify who we are actually fighting against.
Because if you get the enemy wrong, you’ll fight the wrong person.
In war they call this friendly fire. You’re supposed to be fighting the enemy, but you end up shooting your own side.
And isn't that what often happens in our homes?
The people we’ve vowed to protect and lead are the ones we are fighting with.
Our Enemies
The Devil
Deceives us with lies.
John 8:44
The Flesh
Pulls us toward selfish desires.
James 4:1–2
The World
Pressures us to accept a value system that opposes God’s truth.
James 4:4
Your husbands, wives, are not the enemy.
This is true even if you are married to someone who is not Christian. They are not your enemy.
The battle we face is against the forces we cannot see, not against the people we can see.
2 Corinthians 4:4
WIN HIM BY WINNING WITHIN
1 Peter 3:1–2
“Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.”
Peter is writing to Christians living in a Roman world where one's value in society depended on your status.
The Christians found themselves in households where they were the only believers in their homes and had to think through how they were to reach their spouses and kids.
Wives, however, had it doubly hard.
How could she remain faithful to Jesus while winning her husband?
Peter’s advice is:
TO WIN HIM, YOU MUST WIN WITHIN
Peter’s advice is to focus on the character within you as a wife.
Be unwaveringly committed to Jesus, and unbelievably winsome in your character.
No one will listen to anything you have to say until they see that Jesus has actually made a difference in your life.
1 Peter 2:12
Your character carries significant influence in your home. And depending on your relationship, a greater influence than your words.
A Few Clarifications
Prioritizing your character is not a path to manipulate your husband, but influencing him.
Prioritizing your character and faith is not a guarantee that he will become a Christian.
Submitting is not tolerance for abuse or participating in sinful practices.
You are first loyal to Jesus and how he calls you to live.
FOUR WAYS TO WIN YOUR HUSBAND
Peter mentions four key ideas in the passage that carry weight:
01 — HONOR HIM
Respect: Showing honor rather than contempt.
So often the way men feel respected is by being appreciated for his effort.
Are you known in your home for encouraging your husband by honoring him publicly or privately?
Appreciation is electrifying to a man, God has wired us that way.
Look for ways to express appreciation rather than contempt. Build a home that builds up.
02 — LIVE FOR JESUS
Purity: Pursuing holiness rather than sinfulness.
As a wife you are to submit to Jesus first.
The whole concept of purity implies that a wife is living out her faith in Jesus.
As a spouse your obligation is to live for Jesus and when there is conflict in your home, you can live in a way that is respectful to the other people when they don’t believe.
Let your deepest allegiance be to Christ, whatever pressure you face.
03 — LIVE LIKE JESUS
Gentle & Quiet: A humble spirit that is not pushy, harsh, or easily provoked.
Gentle and quiet does not mean being silent or a pushover.
It simply means being someone who creates a peaceful environment in the home, rather than being combative.
Practically, that means being gracious rather than aggressive in dealing with situations. It means doing what you can to create harmony and peace in your home.
That doesn’t mean being silent, it just means being tactful in communication.
Let your character make the gospel visible in the way you treat your husband.
Faith is not a private thing, it is public facing. People should see your faith in action.
FIGHT DIFFERENTLY
Remember those carnival games?
At the carnival you may want to control the outcome. You put your money down, take your shot, and hope you win.
But when it comes to your home and your husband, there's something you need to understand.
You cannot control his heart.
You cannot make him follow Jesus. You cannot force him to respond the way you may want.
The thing you can do is to live sold out for Jesus and let Jesus work in you.
You can fight for your husband without fighting against him.
You can remain committed to Jesus without treating your husband with contempt.
You can speak truth without becoming harsh, show respect without compromising your convictions, and pray without giving up hope.
Peter's point isn't that a wife's perfect behavior guarantees her husband will accept Jesus.
It’s that a life shaped by Jesus can be a powerful witness to someone who doesn't yet believe.
04 — PRAY TO JESUS
We cannot change anyone's heart. We can only entrust ourselves to Jesus to change people.
You can't make your husband follow Jesus.
But you can make sure that the person he lives with is someone who is constantly bringing him before Jesus in prayer.
So don't spend your life fighting against your husband. Fight for him in prayer.
And let the way you live show him who Jesus is.
1 Corinthians 7:16
“For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?”