WHAT: DISCIPLING YOUR KIDS IS AN ACT OF WAR
Psalm 127:3–5
Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.
Lasting Kingdom-Advancing Legacy: When you raise godly kids and grandkids, you’re advancing the kingdom of God long after you’re dead. You’re punching Satan in the face from the grave.
MEN: DEPLOYED FOR ASSIGNMENT!
WHO: DISCIPLING YOUR KIDS IS A TEAM SPORT
Most moms view parenting as a PRIORITY but just need the TOOLS.
Most dads need to see parenting as a PRIORITY.
Men: Honing your craft as a father.
2024 STUDY: FATHER ABSENCE
21% incarceration by ages 28–34 without biological dad, vs. 10% with dad.
3–5x higher teen pregnancy.
21.8% poverty vs. 4.3% in married-couple families.
1 in 5 U.S. children (14.5 million) live with mom only.
One of the most impactful gifts you can give your children is your intentional masculine presence.
What does it profit a man if you gain the whole world but lose your kids’ souls?
HOPE FOR SINGLE MOMS!
God loves to show up.
Samuel.
Timothy.
Nolan’s story.
HOW: DISCIPLING YOUR KIDS HAS THREE PHASES
Intentional Parenting — Text “PARENT” to 30777
COMER’S FIVE STAGES OF PARENTING
Laying the Foundation (Birth–5)
Doing the Framing (6–12)
Installing the Functional Systems (13–17)
Completing the Finish Work (18–22)
Opening the Front Door (Adult Children)
PHASE 1: CARETAKER
Ages 0–5
Foundations of faith, understanding God’s authority, grace, goodness.
Keeping them alive, obedience, high control for the sake of survival.
Requires: FOUNDATION // CORRECTION // CONNECTION
FOUNDATION
Proverbs 22:6
Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.
BIBLE READING: Best part of the day! Do voices! Cliffhangers!
CHURCH
CATECHISM
CORRECTION
Ephesians 6:1–4
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Hebrews 12:6–7
For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.
Training kids in obedience to you is ultimately about obedience to the Lord.
Stewardship is not Ownership.
The Box in Comer’s book.
SPANKING?! PENDULUM SWING.
Two extremes:
CRUSHING
CODDLING
→ COMPASSIONATE DISCIPLINE
Never done in anger.
Discipline, not punishment — not punitive, formative.
Parents do it abusively, so there’s a pendulum swing.
CLASS ON PARENTING
Intentional Parenting
Wise Words for Mom
Shepherding a Child’s Heart
Different kids need something different!
CONNECTION
The Power of Affirmation
Proverbs 18:21
Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.
HAVE A LOT OF FUN. Laugh a lot.
We are in the serious business of advancing the kingdom, which means we're not going to take any of ourselves very seriously.
PHASE 2: COACHING
Ages 6–18
Proverbs 20:5
The purpose in a man’s heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out.
Proverbs 18:13
If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.
Proverbs 15:22
Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed.
Proverbs 19:20
Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future.
Proverbs 25:11
A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.
Deuteronomy 6:6–7
And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.
BE CAREFUL NOT TO MISUNDERSTAND THE PHASE YOU’RE IN
Common issue: Mom stuck in caretaker role and dad pushing into coaching.
Coaching in Caretaking? → Hit by car.
Caretaker in Coaching? → Fail to gain critical thinking skills / Kids will HIDE things.
Coaching in Consultant? → You’ll sever the relationship.
→ You need to be the safest place for them to go when they fail.
Watch your emotional reaction.
Careful of giving advice to parents in later seasons!
Gradual dimmer switch, not light switch.
7 TIPS FOR COACHING KIDS
Coaching happens everywhere—but especially at dinner! The table isn’t just for feeding; it’s for leading.
Have your kids serve with you. Teams / Serving Mom / Giving / Dropping off dinner.
Ask four questions: What? Think? Feel? Want? Apply the Gospel.
Teach them to be lifelong learners. The examined experience is the best teacher.
Expose your kids to people who love Jesus. It will define for them normative life as a Christian.
Whoever tells the best stories wins! Tell your kids the stories of Jesus winning!
The best coaches are player-coaches. You gotta know how to play the game yourself.
→ Whatever you PROJECT onto God, you will REFLECT onto your kids.
Example: Performance-based acceptance and behavior-modification Christianity.
It is essential to know God’s nature accurately and meditate on right doctrine.
PHASE 3: CONSULTANT
Adult children
→ You can’t give counsel to someone who doesn’t want it!
Genesis 2:24
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
Job 12:12
Wisdom is with the aged, and understanding in length of days.
Proverbs 16:31
Gray hair is a crown of glory; it is gained in a righteous life.
WHAT IF I BLEW IT AS A PARENT?
Full of regret or condemnation?
The Garden of Eden: Perfect Parent, Perfect Environment.
→ If you can’t take the CREDIT for solid adult children, you shouldn’t carry CONDEMNATION when adult children struggle.
Jesus carried your condemnation.
Romans 8:1
Don’t judge the end of the story while you’re still in the middle of it.